• Dinosaurs became extinct after the flood because they were too big to get in the ark.

• Queen Elizabeth was a fat woman. She stoutly resisted the demands of the Spanish ambassador.

• "Twilight Sleep" means you set your clock one hour ahead.

• The general direction of the Alps is straight up.

• Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.

• The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 oppossums.

• We do not raise silk worms in the U.S. because we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger animal and gives more milk.

• Animal husbandry means having more than one husband.

• A stomach is a bowl-shaped cavity containing the organs of indigestion.

• Napoleon wanted an heir to the throne, but since Josephine was a Baroness, she could not bear children.

• The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.

• To prevent head colds, use an agonizer to spray nose until it drops into your throat.

• The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.

• By syntax is meant all the money collected in church from sinners.

• Henry VIII by his own efforts increased the population of England by 40,000.

• The blood circulates in the body by flowing down one leg and up the other.

• Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.

• The triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle.

• A person should take a bath once in the summer time and not so often in the winter.

• Strategy is when you don't let the enemy know that you are out of ammunition, but keep on firing.

• A virgin forest is a forest in which the hand of man has never set foot.

• A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water and then forcing it through an aviator.

• The seaport of Athens is Pyorrhea.

• The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on top and you sit on the bottom.

• One of the main causes of dust is janitors.

• A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities.

• One by-product of cattle raising is calves.

• New Zealand is a democratic country. They passed a law there preventing women from sweating in the factories.

• The climate is hottest next to the Creator.

• Oliver Cromwell had a large, red nose, but under it were deeply religious feelings.

• Manhattan Island was bought from the Indians for $24 and I do not suppose you could buy it now for $500.

• The French Revolution was caused by overcharging taxies.

• The Civil War was caused by Lincoln signing the Emasculation Proclamation.

• In the Spring the salmon swim upstream to spoon.

• In the middle of the 18th Century all the morons moved to Utah.

• By self-pollination, a farmer may get a flock of long-haired sheep.

• The difference between a president and a king is that a king has no vice.

Contributed by: Jody Clukey